tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
