she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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