is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
