Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You can't motorboat a personality
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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