you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
