It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
His nipple licking is glorious
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