Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
