clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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