what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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