The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
