bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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