im so drunk with asians
where?
always
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
