so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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