"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
