Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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