i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize