just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
