Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
