Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
