There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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