Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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