Need sex. Gaining weight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
