Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
