The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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