Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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