Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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