Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
