pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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