it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
