theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
