you traded sex for a burrito?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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