Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
