I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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