The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
