I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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