Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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