Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
