NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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