So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
