Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
