Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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