Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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