I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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