So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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