i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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