The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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