So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
