found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
