My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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