How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
