apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
