I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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