You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My vagina is very pro this idea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
