i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
