Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
