the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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