Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize