he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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