At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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