All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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