if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
