Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
