Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize