fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
