He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
