The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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