Kiss
Puke
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
