onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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