When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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