I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do vagina's smell?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
