Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
