I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize